Six Pairs of Kicks is Daria's Definition of Twelve Steps, Assholes

In the sinking ship that is writers block, every asshole needs a life raft. Daria is mine...

When I first came across these shoes on Nordstrom's site (http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/2965959/0~2376788~6002242~6007715~6008488?mediumthumbnail=Y&origin=category&searchtype=&pbo=6008488&P=2), I was very confused as to why anybody, male or female, would want to wear shoes dubbed "prison issue." You don't see people walking around in orange jumpsuits, do you? And I'm pretty sure the population at large is forever turned off of one inch or wider vertical stripes on most clothing because of the concentration camp/prisoner imagery it evokes. A quick Google search yielded the following description of the shoes from uncrate.com:

"Vans made these laceless canvas sneakers back in the day for those unlucky souls in California prisons. Apparently, shoe laces are more dangerous than the Velcro straps found on the Vans Prison Issue #23 ($50). And if the blaze orange doesn't match your jumpsuit, the kicks also come in black, green, purple and yellow."

http://www.uncrate.com/men/style/shoes/vans-prison-issue-23/

Why does Vans think that calling shoes "Prison Issue" because they were originally made for prisoners in California jails will help them sell? I particularly enjoy how the description glosses over the reasons WHY you wouldn't want to give shoelaces to a prisoner. "Apparently, shoe laces are more dangerous than the velcro straps found on the Vans Prison Issue #23 ($50)." Why yes, uncrate.com copy writer, I'm pretty sure most prison guards – and anyone with common sense – would agree that a shoelace can be used to strangle someone while Velcro can be used to, uh, give them a nasty rubbing. So yes, I would have to assert that shoelaces ARE more dangerous than Velcro straps.

But I digress. The original reason for this post was that I think it's time companies stopped marketing prison and prison apparel as "cool" to teenagers, the target market of brands like Vans. Teens should not aspire to dress like people in prison, assholes. And prison wear should not be associated with teen-oriented brands. It's bad enough we have celebrities like Nicole Richie (84 minutes in jail) and Lindsay Lohan making a mockery of the penal system, but now companies are actually promoting the prison lifestyle to consumers?? I had Velcro sneakers when I was 4 in the late '80s, why not simply dub this style of shoe "retro?" The target market probably shares similar nostalgia for Velcro shoes and would buy the kicks because of that. Prison gear versus shoes from your childhood…think about it, assholes.