ASSHOLES RE-INSPIRED!

Hit me baby, one more time, Daria! And a special shout out to my girl, Drew Barrymore--because you're right Drew, there's no right way to do the wrong thing. And anyone who thinks otherwise, is an asshole!

Hit it, Daria!

http://www.newsweek.com/id/132240/page/1

I don't even know where to start with this one, assholes. Remember in the movie Clueless when Cher nonchalantly mentions that her mother died during a "routine liposuction procedure" when she was a baby? Cher may seem unaffected by it, but seriously, what child can't help but feel insecure and unloved by a mother forever stolen from her daughter because of her own vanity? When I was a child, I would have been beyond scared if my mother told me she was going to have surgery – even if she read me this stupid book as an attempt to explain why she had to undergo a potentially dangerous procedure just to look how she thinks she used to. Oh, and it was her pregnancy with ME that made her hate her body. If you need me, I'll be in my room with the shades drawn sobbing uncontrollably on my bed because I made my mother sad about how she looks.

Moving on…Do the illustrations have to look like ridiculously idealized generic cartoon characters? Must the stereotypical white family have what is clearly a BMW SUV sitting in the driveway? Why is the plastic surgeon a doctor by day and Mr. Incredible by night? Why does the mother have a nosejob as part of her "mommy makeover" when, according to the book and this article, rhinoplasty is not normally a part of the procedure?

I agree that it is hard for a child to understand why mommy is going into the hospital and why she may not be able to lift things for a while (and possibly why she no longer has a belly button à la Patricia Heaton: http://defamer.com/366521/missing-one-celebrity-belly-button-and-one-sense-of-inhibition), but this book clearly misses the point. Plastic surgery has become so routine and commonplace that mothers don't even consider the psychological repercussions these procedures have on their children. My mother and I have very similar noses, and if she were to change her's, I would definitely feel sensitive about mine. Now I haven't had children myself, so I can't decidedly say that I won't bemoan the loss of my pre-pregnancy body when I do eventually reproduce. Nevertheless, I will affirm that my stomach and sagging, um, other parts (whattup gravity) will not be my most pressing thought while trying to raise a well-rounded kid with a head on his or her shoulders in what will undoubtedly be an even more fucked up future.