Assholes Speak in Toungues of Passive Aggression

Hit it, Daria!

To the Passive-Aggressive Asshole Talking to My Coworker in the Next Cubicle:

Listen, asshole, because you are clearly talking to her for my benefit. When I scheduled a meeting for 1 o'clock today, it wasn't an attempt on my behalf to make you starve yourself or throw off what appears to be an eating schedule set in stone. It is not even my meeting, it's someone else's. I merely sent out the invitation because that person (who also chose the 1 pm time, I might add) couldn't figure out how to work the meeting invitation site. So stop loudly complaining to the other person that you "have a meeting at 1 and are going to have to starve until after." I'm sorry that at the age of 30, you apparently have learned how to dress yourself quite well (today's dress from a store in the Village is particularly cute, fyi), but have not yet mastered the art of planning your meals. If a meeting is at 1, why not, say, go get lunch at 12:15? Or you could run and pick something up at the deli downstairs (I recommend sandwich #5) around 12:50 and still make it back in time. No one will mind that you are eating during the meeting, and if they do, just inform them that apparently you are incapable of eating lunch at any other time besides 1 pm at the risk of death or extreme malnutrition.

I'd also like to add that when you originally complained to me about the meeting being at 1 after I sent out the invite last week, I then tried to order sandwiches and salad for everyone. Unfortunately, the powers that be have yet to bless me with a corporate charge card, and my current financial situation does not allow me to commit Mother Theresa-like acts of feeding poor corporate drones forced into meetings at lunchtime against their will out of my own pocket. I contacted the person who is in charge of the meeting – he is one of the chosen few with a corporate card – but he failed to get back to me in time to place an order. So shut up, you passive aggressive asshole! I actually tried for once. Consider this the last time I compliment you on anything you're wearing. And yes, that will be me you see strolling past the conference room around 1:15 feasting on my delicious lunch.

Best,

Daria