Asshole Inclined

Drew Barrymore is my favorite paradox—her Madonna-like ability to evolve affords such elite social versatility and intellectual comprehension; but my favorite part about Drew is her sheer capacity to defy the constraints of any one definition. She can Eat, Pray, Love while shopping at Barney’s [window shopping counts]. Then return said purchases and supplant with killer vintage frock. Drew can debate the benefits of universal healthcare, rock the Murphy bed and strut her shit right into any Ashram this side of the Atlantic. Her passion is only superseded by her compassion—she is saving the world, one bar-laden, psycho-analysis at a time. And there is nothing I’m more proud of than bearing witness to her utterly fabulous, sometimes pain-staking, always beautiful journey—and coming along for the ride. Oh yeah, and we pick up married men together (and obviously do NOT take them up on their tempting offers. Karma’s a bitch, Asshole!) No one appreciates an asshole more than my genetic splice, Drew Barrymore.

Drew has a penchant for chubby assholes that went to camp. It’s ‘her thing.’ With that said, I’d like to share the first of many conversations to be posted regarding Assholes with fetishes. It seems that in her quest for a chubby camper, Drew manages to find every freaky asshole in the book. I applaud your tenacity, Drew and support your objectives—but let’s be honest here; reformed chubby campers are often just assholes with window dressing. But then again, so are unaffected, thin, mamas boys.

Drew Barrymore: Whatcha doin

Gisele: hi my love. Trying to do some work. What are you doing?

Drew Barrymore: Under the covers. With bite marks and black and blues all over my neck…I don’t know what to do I’m so stupid

Gisele: Attack of Charles River?

Gisele: Gisele: Asshole…with fetishes?

Drew Barrymore: Haha good guess but no. Indian investment banker who entrapped me with an “I used to be 150lb bigger” line. Asshole.