Inaugural Newsworthy Asshole

It is my distinct honor and true pleasure to bring you drops of wisdom from one of my dearest and most FABULOUS comrades. Anderson Cooper and I met back during a stint in DC. This my friends is a true story--we were instantly lovers after I declared: "pre-crack Whitney's I Wanna Dance With Somebody is my theme song." Anderson's brilliant gaze met mine as he took my hands in his: "OH. MY. GOD," he whispered softly. "I LOVE Whitney." That my friends, is a true story about truer love. Although as fate would have it, the cruel, cruel world and over 500 miles stand between us. But, it's just like Jefferson Starship crooned "And we can build this dream together, Standing strong forever, Nothing's gonna stop us nowww." So, with that hot moment of eighties passion, I present to you, the man, they myth, the legend: ANDERSON COOPER!

Let it begin...

I am severely stoked for my first guest spot on 'Asshole of the Day.' GB has signed me to a long term deal, but I cannot help but think if I turn out to be the asshole, she will send me up shit creek without a paddle. I view each week here as a gift given by the one and only.

My focus is simple...newsworthy assholes...or what the asshole network execs deem to be newsworthy. Although the next few months will see a fair share of political talking heads highlighted, politics will not solely rule.

However, as I "pen" the first entry I cannot help but turn my attention to the political arena where one candidate FINALLY has given up. After a strong declaration of "we will go on" after Super Tuesday, Millionaire Mitt Romney sat down with some advisors who talked some sense into him. I assume the conversation went like this:

"Mitt, you asshole, its time to quit."

"But why I have millions and millions of dollars?"

"Mitt, even if every state in the United States was Utah...you wouldn't win."

He ran a noble campaign...one where he wasted away almost $90 million, but 'money can't buy Mitt love.' And he put the icing on his asshole cake when he said "In this time of war, I simply cannot let my campaign be a part of aiding a surrender to terror." ah, there it is...the Republican excuse, "terror."

As he departs the campaign trail there is one question left to ask...How does it feel to have wasted $35.5 million of personal funds in a losing primary campaign, asshole?"

As Always America, make it a great day...or don't. The choice is yours, Asshole.