Asshole Initiation

Friends, Romans, Countryman Lend Me Your Ear. Or in this case, your eye. There are billions of dollars in this world devoted to positive thinking, Zen living, and Tony Robbins bullshit of the like. But let’s get serious here. The sole reason that industry exists is because of all the assholes out there, roaming the streets, totally uncontained and ready to strike at any given moment. If our world were asshole-free, think about how much less stressful, angry and anxious we'd become —Assholes are responsible for the war in Iraq, button fly pants, the entire ‘frozen yogurt’ culture (except for Pinkberry, those people are gods and exempt from assholedom), anything that involves a liquid diet, high wasted pants (we made that mistake in the 70’s assholes, didn’t work then, doesn’t work now)…etc. You get the drift.

Take a second and think about how many assholes have totally peeved you out of your otherwise placid existence today—perhaps it was the guy at Starbucks, who gave you a dirty look when you ordered your double tall, extra hot, no foam, sugar-free, skinny vanilla latte. ASSHOLE. (well, Starbucks on the whole just seethes assholes!) Or maybe it was that woman in front of you who couldn’t move fast enough through the subway turnstile on 59^th street causing you to miss the 6 train. ASSHOLE. A boss who steals your intellectual property and takes credit for it to his superiors? SUPER ASSHOLE. Here’s the thing about assholes, they’re everywhere—and they strike unsuspecting civilians during the most critical of moments (when you need them banished together on a remote island, the most.) And thus, this here blog is dedicated to your favorite asshole of the day. If you have a story, we’d love to hear it so, share away. And if you don’t or think you don’t, you know what they say— If you can't spot the sucker in the first half hour (what-- half hour? How about 10 seconds?) at the table …then you’re an asshole. Happy Hunting!