http://www.timeout.com/newyork/articles/features/26342/just-be-yourselftm
Just be yourself(TM)
Our infamous dating columnist explains how, in
By Julia Allison, Photographs by
Dear Julia Allison,
Was it not Shakespeare who told us that “All The World's a Stage, the Men and Women Merely Players?” With that said, if the world’s stage were, per se, Super Mario Brothers, would you be the princess? OR Candyland, if you will—the lollipop queen? But according to Hasbro Games, Candyland, for example intends to “teach color recognition and matching while reinforcing the lesson of taking turns and being a gracious winner or loser.” SO, where does that part enter your equation of self-marketing? Where in your rule book do you tell your prepackaged women how to gracefully accept defeat, even when they follow your humble how-to? What are you suggesting to all those who do put themselves out there, are well versed in the schematics of ME PR and can vouch for their own killer personalities and professional successes? You know the ones who I’m talking about—the package deals. Meanwhile, many of them maintain the ‘single’ status. So let’s pause here for a moment and reflect on this harsh fact.
It seems to me, sweet Julia, that this so called ‘plan’ is ineffective for several reasons. First and foremost, we’re not marketing ourselves to each other (well, some of us aren’t at least…); our target audience is the male species. That in itself is enough to suggest that extrapolating the inner workings of the female psyche really poses no match for the intended pursuit . The only way your theory could realistically become operative is if, if fact, you were a man. Last time I checked, you’re posing as the old school ugly duckling turned prom queen; it’s the stuff that teen flicks are made of—and yet, you purport to have the answers. Julia, so long as you have a vagina, stop pretending to be something you’re not—and that means playing the male Dear Abby to a bevy of wistful twentysomethings. Last time I checked, if you were valid in any sense of the word, you wouldn’t be writing about marketing yourself, you’d probably be f’ing your boyfriend, or…dare I say it, husband and writing about Anne Coulter’s smack down of moderate conservatism by backing Hilary. Yep. I just went there.
But, as I often do, I digress. What I’m really trying to say here, innocent Julia, is that hoards of women who know how to work it do exist and remain single, despite their best self-advertisement. Why don’t you take a crack at that enigma for a change. Acknowledge the fact that men prefer subordinate women who lack the ingenuity or in this case, general awareness of your branded strategies, to even think about promoting themselves. One could argue that the very men we shake our money makers for, are completely, wholly, totally and entirely disinterested by our intellectual savvy and killer charm. Could it be true that they may feel threatened by this suggestive self confidence?
I’m not claiming to have all the answers, but then again, I’m not claiming that you have them either. So, why not call it a truce and stop using your column to desperately thrust yourself onto the likes of Paul Janka and other she-males of the world. Truly innate confidence needs not to be constantly touted and incessantly obsessed over. And those who possess it, radiate infectiously—and don’t have to write about it. Sometimes, they get the guy and sometimes they don't--despite their best marketing efforts. Why? Because, that's life. Duh. Asshole.
Keep it Real, Holmes,
Tom Brady’s Number One Bitch
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