But, if being a contributing commentator on GAWKER is a virtue, she kicks asshole! Congrats, Morgandoffer. On behalf of assholes everywhere, we salute your beauty, sarcasm, wit, humor and naturally, your innate appreciation and understanding for the finer assholes in life.
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I just don't understand why sex has to be such an all-or-nothing issue for teenage celebrities. I think the Jonas brothers are cute – although their pants are a touch on the tight side – and while I can't say I know a lot of their music, I have a fondness for them that stems from their being from a town near my hometown in northern New Jersey, and the fact that they remind me of the Hanson brothers from my own tweenage years. So I'd like to take this opportunity to both chastise them for coming off as pompous assholes (thinking that paparazzi shots of them turn into "where's Waldo" searches for their purity rings) and offer them some advice.
Tween and teen celebs should be just that: celebrities. I realize that their fans develop intense fascinations with them and want to know about their personal lives, but can't they (and this goes for you too, Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus) realize that they don't need to overshare when it comes to matters of the sexual sort? Just do your business in private and keep it just that: PRIVATE. When celebrities like the Jonas Brothers speak out about their "purity" and "chastity vows" all it does is leave them ripe for mocking and abuse if/when they do get caught breaking said vow. They're teenagers and they're going to want to have sex (thank you, Coach Carr in Mean Girls for teaching us this). By all means, go for it, but learn from Jamie Lynn Spears and Juno and wrap it up, Jo Bros. Also learn from her sister, who we all remember very publicly announcing that she remained a virgin despite her relationship with Justin Timberlake and now faces allegations from many a lad from her high school days saying he conquered that land long before JT. And my god, boys, do you really think that when some little 17 year old has you all hot and bothered, some ring on your finger will make you think twice? No, Assholes, it won't. Whether or not you keep it in your pants 'til marriage is your decision, but don't inform the American public at large about it
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