EZ Pass was in full effect as local assholes overwhelmed the bridges and tunnels—that’s right, folks. No one likes to be tardy for a good head bob and air guitar to the rhythmic stylings of Bon Jovi, which took place last evening at the Hammerstein Ballroom. Sarah Silverman and I were among those lucky enough to get a taste of the action…I know, I know—you can almost smell the Curve for Men from here. And while gridlock suffocated the turnpike, I tore up the streets in a mad dash to the venue. Apparently, I didn’t get the memo: Snow + New York = No Cabs, Asshole.
But that’s OK—there is nothing I love more than sprinting in the stealth of a New York winter’s night in Frye boots; which, might I add, completely lack the traction necessary for hauling ass to Hammerstein. SO, it may come as no shock to you that, my pick for asshole(s) of the evening include the 34th Street block of pedestrians —(from which I exempt a lovely thirtysomething named Ari who was [surprise, surprise] making his way home to Strong Island [in keeping with the evening’s guido tone] and took a moment of his time to inquire about my condition before schooling me on why he left his sell-out job running BB King’s record label—rest assured, he’s remembered why he ‘got in the game in the first place, man,’ and is currently working ‘for the love of the music, baby,’ YEAH!). Pedestrians who bear witness to the series of events leading up to one's physical (and thusly following in suit, emotional/psychological) demise, [and by demise I mean totally reckless sidewalk spill, note to self: slippery when wet] and stare blankly without offering help…THERE’S NOTHING TO SEE HERE, ASSHOLES!
Stay Tuned for the second installment of today’s series, Misadventures in the Land of Bridge and Tunnel: Chronicles of Sarah and Gisele Rocking The Hammerstein Ballroom.
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